there's an LGBT event i MUST get to this evening so i make sure i've got my red ribbon on my jersey - only it takes several attempts as the safety pin's being a pain. because of this, i get to the bus stop just in time to see my bus pull away.
( not a good thursday... )

and i'm tired so i'm not going to blog, i'm just going to post two photos:

So it’s Monday morning and I'm still tired, despite the wonderful slob weekend so I decided to reset the alarm for 7.30am and just shower, make and drink a smoothie and scoot to work – I can get chips for lunch or a proper meal – what I need right then and there is SLEEP!
All goes well till I leave the flat – it’s pissing down, really pissing down and I still don’t have waterproof footwear so I decide that while it would be good to get the 436/36/7 or 171/whatever comes first, it’s a longer journey and may make me late so I’ll walk to ilderton road and do whatever comes first to dunton road, then my beloved 168.

( why i sometimes really resent paying for public transport in london... )

i'm having one - and it's wonderful! yesterday i did give in and do a little bit of housework in the end - but not too much! and today i'll do a tiny bit more - but i didn't even get dressed yesterday, let alone go outdoors. today i will do both because i want to do two things:

thing 1 - go and get a small brush for my wig, in peckham
thing 2 - go see a free screening of 'milk', in camberwell

and to be honest, if the screening was three hours earlier, i'd be energetic enough by then to go and do the grocery shopping on the way home. but it doesn't start till 5pm and i'm not going out twice today so it'll be groceries after work tomorrow, as usual.

AND i got another grand star on mario galaxy yesterday! AND dinner brought round for me! including dessert.

a most excellent and relaxing saturday...

and that's where it all started going right and becoming SUCH  a good night! i had my wine, i had my tableseat again, i immediately felt a lot calmer and just settled to wait for KD. i saw big ing chatting to some folks in the queue which had started shortly after i got my wine but i didn't feel like standing in it yet - i was right there, after all.

( it's not really ALL about booze... )

SO! i swanned up, had my bag checked and wandered in. i was now a mix of gleeful about the subway/entrance and still feeling slightly anxious, nauseous and ouchie so went to find an information desk.

the staff there told me tickets weren't available until 6.30pm and i said that was odd as the publicity all said 6pm. they also didn't seem to really know what event i was talking about but were very nice to me indeed and directed me to the main information desk in the main hall. because i was already feeling slightly anxious, nauseous and ouchie, this ticket-change-not-really-knowing-what-i-was-talking-about-in-their-own-venue didn't really help and THEN i discovered that it was still only 5.35pm, KD wouldn't be able to get there till 6.30pm and now tickets wouldn't be available till then either!

not a good start, put it that way.

however! on the way to the main desk i had to walk through the shop and while walking through the shop i saw many, many beautiful things that i figured i could easily look at for quite a while, it's just that i wanted to sit down and gather myself a bit.

got to the main desk area and i could see some decidedly queer looking people milling about but no queue, nothing really happening - but i saw a seat! it looked like a table but it was definitely a seat! so i sat down, put my bag down and texted KD. admitting to her even via a text that i was not currently in my comfort zone, helped actually. even though i was now reluctant to give up my tableseat as i'd established the tiniest of comfort zones there, i decided i would go up to the big desk and ask about tonight and then i would find a glass of wine somewhere in the building, possibly from the table selling it in the corner

(i thought it might be for members only or something, see)

and things would be ok.

and that's exactly what happened! the girl at the desk was fab - they had only just been given the event information themselves, hence the staff i'd spoken to earlier not being clued up, the tickets were indeed going to be available from 6pm and yes i was absolutely welcome to go and get some wine from that table over there! she was lovely and pretty and unfortunately very short otherwise i think i would've given her a big ol' hug! and if there wasn't a big ol' desk between us.

so, grasping my event booklet firmly in one hand off i went to the wine table - EXTORTIONATE PRICES - but to their credit, they did try and fill the little glasses as much as possible. to hell with licensing laws! and on that note, i think i'll start another blog...

RIGHT!

so i left work a little early as i had to get to the V&A and queue for tickets to a free LGBT event being held there that night. a film that friends are in/made was being shown and we'd seen it at the LGBT film festival earlier in the year (another good night!!) but wanted to go again and maybe check out some other stuff that was happening.

i've only been to the V&A once before, over 20 years ago and had a vague memory of it not being entirely straightforward to get there but wasn't really worried but oddly, as i was waiting for the lift at russell square station, i started to feel slightly claustrophobic, the way i used to when i first came to london. i told myself to get a grip and i played bejewelled the whole time i was on the tube itself but i felt sick and a little anxious anyway. i think the majority of it was probably caused by my bloody monthly but it wasn't fun.

anyway, i got to south kensington and there was the exit but then i saw another sign saying subway to the V&A and other museums so i went that way instead. now i DEFINITELY don't remember this subway from last time and my god it's long! i wouldn't have minded at all except that 

a) i was still feeling slightly anxious and nauseous and
b) i was in heels which had been fine alllllll day but were now starting to hurt and
c) i seemed to be going against the flow of hundreds, HUNDREDS of people, all walking four or five across, etc

anyway, i didn't see any more signs for the V&A just 'museums' but i fought down feelings of "go back! go back" unfamiliar territory!" and told myself that the council don't tend to put signs in place for things unless they're actually there and while this felt like i was walking a mile in the wrong direction, i would go with it and see what happened.

and of course eventually i saw a sign for another museum pointing to an alcove on the left and i looked up it as i passed and it wasn't an alcove at all! it was an exit, right to the ticket thing for that museum - how fab!

and shortly after that i saw a big logo for the V&A beside an alcove on the right and i went to that - AND IT WAS A DOOR RIGHT INTO THE MUSEUM!!

how utterly, utterly cool! i felt like i was somewhere foreign and clever!

...NOW i feel that i can blog about last night.

so yesterday i was beyond tired all day but was still managing to do pieces of work inbetween thinking about something else altogether and wanting to curl up on a large chair somewhere and sleep...

...i'm trying not to talk about the something else altogether as what it IS is maybe buying a london property rather than renting. but it's not as straightforward as it should be and it hurts my head to think about it at times and my head's already a little sore this morning (because of my monthly before anyone starts lecturing me about self-inducements etc etc) and so i'm not going to blog about i OR my options just now. 

but oh my, i am thinking about it rather a lot!

and i think i'll get a lottery ticket today.

AN-Y-WAY! at the end of the day there was some mail in my pigeonhole and - and i really wasn't expecting this or anything about it till next year sometime - AND IT WAS THE OFFER OF A PERMANENT CONTRACT TILL I RETIRE!! so i actually have it now! i will get staff increments and everything - i've been there for a year and a half and now i'm going to be a normal person! AND!! that will certainly help with me getting a mortgage (if that's the route i go down oh my oh my oh lord...)

so that was just utterly fab and we were all having chippies and dip and stuff and just shooting the breeze in the main admin office, which is a nice wee habit, not every week but now and again, just a lovely finish to the working week, you know? and because i got this news, it turned into a mini celebration for me as well as for one of the girls who i really don't know very well and is leaving, well, left now probably it being friday - but if i had known her, i suspect we would've got on brilliantly! so yes - all lovely.

...i really like my colleagues but i really want to blog about last night, dammit!

bloody knackered today though and i've just realised exactly how i'm going to spend the day - even though it's sunny and bright and the perfect day for walking outdoors and creating vitamin d and all that - i'm going to play mario galaxy! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

well as long as my batteries haven't worn out through non-use, i shall go plug in a set right now, hang on... ** right, that's charging and i do have 'normal' batteries if needed.

so yes! mario galaxy and eat chocolate and either a pizza or a burger from the freezer and be wrapped up in blankets and maybe some movies and definitely some bejewelled

(i may, seriously, have an addition to bejewelled)

and a doze here and there and some Very Light Housework and - right.

i started to think of 'productive' things i should be doing and really, when i started out, ALL i was thinking of was mario galaxy, DAMMIT.

where the hell is my formatting bar? i promise faithfully i didn't do anything, i literally came in to journal and it's gone. all i have left are two buttons - insert image and embed media and the option to disable auto-formatting - nothing else. oh and the font has gone to verdana 11 - i can't tell this without looking at my profile information and stuff...

HELP! MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(thank you in advance.)

what a lovely start! (if you ignore the continued loss of my formatting bar on here.)

i woke up an hour ago and it took a few seconds to remember that it wasn't monday but still sunday! weeeeeeeeeeeee! so here i am, with coffee, already knowing that i have a sunday roast being cooked for me later today and i can probably swing a few cuddles to go with it for dessert. bloody marvellous.

here is a list of some other stuff i could choose from today:

- DONE!! another load of laundry
- mop remainder of the floors
- remop kitchen floor seeing as how i managed two spillages within 24 hours of cleaning it
- sort out plants by patio doors
- chase wee kat for that tomato chutney recipe
- go through pile of stuff by couch
- clean bathroom
- load up (and possibly even switch on) dishwasher
- DONE!! put away clean laundry
- take juice cartons to sainsburys
- dump not-at-this-address mail in postbox
- remember to write 'not at this address' on the mail first
- water indoor plants
- DONE!! shred paper for composter
- put paper in composter
- grocery shopping
- DONE!! put some cds onto mac
- DONE!! swap the kitchen cupboard/shelving unit
- kitchen surfaces
- paperwork filing

now. i realise that there's not a lot of 'fun' stuff up there but that's ok, the fun can come later.

though please note i have waited until after 12noon to try and salvage some sense of decency.

(i see my formatting still hasn't returned to normal, so asterisks it is.)

i feel rather miserable now. and for the last hour or so i've had big fat tears rolling down my face. it's one of those ones where you don't actually feel like you're crying, you've just got the big fat tears rolling down everytime you blink.

so i've decided to have a glass of red wine and see what happens. i don't normally feel shameful about drinking, i certainly don't feel it about drinking on my own but the fact that i'm making excuses means i have some*
feeling associated with it today.

though i don't see that it's any different from someone being up for a few hours and having a spliff.

anyway...

yes, feeling miserable. this is mainly down to a lack of sleep i suspect but not helped by a big dose of disappointment. you spend all the working week - well if you're me*, you work your arse off during the working week and then the weekend gets here and you're meant to go out and have fun or relax or see people or stay on your own through choice or whatever - you get the picture. and so far, last night's plans junked, today's plan junked and while the junking IS the right decision, it doesn't leave you feeling any less disappointed.

or TIRED!



* read as if it were in italics

and did NOT go to the club, dressed up, chirpy, to see our lovely pals. we stayed in, having done as much self-medication as possible to get fixed. children in need was on so we watched a lot of that but i was disappointed - i want to see comedy skits, things like that - i am not remotely* interested in actors doing singing and dancing and there seemed to be nothing but* singing and dancing. badly usually. pah!

yes, i'm a tad grumpy. i haven't had a dance, i haven't had a decent sleep - actually that's why i'm at home, drinking coffee and blogging at this time on a saturday - i tripped over myself coming home from the bus stop i was that sleepy. but i figured if i couldn't sleep there, best to come here.

on the plus side of course, i ripped* away the virginity of my cafetiere this morning and it was a GOOD purchase. a GOOD one! sight, smell, taste - all pass with flying colours.



*please read these words as if they were in italics. my own formatting options appear to have disappeared. how bloody annoying.

i really like this flat, for sooooo many reasons but having lived here for, let's see, 7.5 months i'm thinking about moving - but not very far. it's the commuting - getting TO work isn't much of an issue, i walk to the dunton road stop and jump gracefully onto the 168. getting home from work, i have the following choices:

( better suggestions than tfl ever gives you... )

these are some notes i made when in wetherspoons yesterday, they are NOT a poem

man with shopping trolley
biggest beer gut in lewisham, panting just to breathe
uggs straight out of pet society
how and how not to wear big fluffy boots
a chef who gives a shit
cold pinot grigio
real books on the shelves
toilets
baa-ing at a courier

these were all meant to form a blog and i've done the courier one, i can't be arsed doing any of the others.

yes. it's died and it tried to take me with it.

about four years ago, the bit that you open to put the filter in, broke. but i didn't care, it still worked.

about three months ago, it started leaking - not coffee, but the water. i couldn't find a hole or anything and it still made coffee, just not as much, so i didn't care.

last night, having faithfully made me two mugs o - well one and a half mugs of coffee in the morning - it tripped all the appliances while i tried to make a third and a half necessary mug to keep me awake for wotever sexstravaganza. i know this because i tried it FOUR TIMES.

so now it's dead. and i can't even freecycle it because it's probably a health and safety risk.

so:

RIP my beloved coffeemaker. you were bought for me by my first girlfriend and you lasted nearly four times as long as she did. you've been there for me through thick and thin and even when you were on your last legs, you still put out. thank you.

bugger.

last night was a club night i've been looking forward to for AGES and a pal came over to help me prepare. i'd bought Make Up. i can't remember the last time i attempted putting Make Up On. anyway, she was terrific, step by step, told me exactly what to do and the most exciting thing for me was that i had time! and cold cream! i could fuck up over and over again if i liked and it wouldn't matter!

and it was a real mccoy preparation - not just Make Up but False Eyelashes and Wig! i was a bit unsure when the eyelashes were on, i looked like a drag queen which is all very well if that's the look i was going for, but i wasn't. i just wanted to look - different - but attractive. but my god, when that wig went on? it changed everything.

it was helped by the corset of course, that corset helps everything, but OH my i looked good. and i can say that with no fear of arrogance because it wasn't me.

but it WAS!!

!!!!!!!

(photos will be on facebook at some point.)

two nights ago, guy fawkes night in fact, i left KD's house to go home. reluctantly, i must say, i was warm and tired there but we both agreed i'd be happier if i woke up at my own place 'cos i had tons to do the next day. 

because of the fireworks i didn't expect to see any cats or dogs kicking about like usual, but when i got out to the street, standing in the middle of the road, lit by the explosions above, as much as the streetlights, was a fox. happy as larry,  not bothered by the noises, just mucking about in the road. i tried to take a photo with beryl but she wasn't having any of it, too dark.

i think he would've stayed there as long as me but a woman came along down the middle of the road, dragging one of those unattractive shopping trolley things with her  and he scarpered. dammit. 

this is what i bought yesterday:

red frilly bum knickers
black satin bloomers
wetherspoons burger and glass of wine deal
false nails
red lip pencil
two pairs of memory foam insoles
six pairs of socks 
five pairs of sheer black tights
three pairs of opaque black tights
red and white polka dot knickers
glittery fishnets tights
red high heels
shoeshiner
nail polish remover
nail polish glue
gel sole pads
gel heel liners
toothpaste
crackers for cheese
brie
tomatoes
olives
hoummous
fresh orange juice
four small four-cheese pizzas
AAA batteries

in that order.

except i think i forgot something.

(the glittery tights, red lip pencil, black satin bloomers, wetherspoons deal and some of the food have already been utilised.)